Feature Film Screenplay Sample
by Jon Tewksbury
I’ve been working on a feature-length drama film, so I thought I’d post a snippet to get some feedback. Please enjoy this scene from the upcoming movie hit, Safeway Surprise, and let me know if it needs any tweaks. We go into production next Tuesday, so let me know ASAP.
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26 INT. GROCERY STORE –- DAY
JULIE is standing next to the bulk bins. Her husband, TIM, weighs a bag of cashews that he has just scooped from one of the bulk bins. The cashews bulk bin.
JULIE
What’s it weigh?
TIM
Well, let’s see here. Hmm. . . I think we
don’t need this many cashews.
JULIE
What is it?
TIM
Nope. Don’t need this many. This is
wayyyyy too much.
JULIE
How much ya got there?
TIM
Is this scale calibrated correctly? I
don’t think this scale is calibrated.
Is this right?
JULIE
How much? How much do the cashews
weigh?
TIM
Yeah. Like if I take these cashews off
the scale. . .
Tim lifts the plastic bag of cashews off the scale.
TIM (cont’d)
The scale doesn’t reset to zero.
JULIE
No?
TIM
No. And if I weigh the cashews. . .
Tim lowers the plastic bag of cashews onto the scale.
TIM (cont’d)
See. I don’t think that’s right.
JULIE
What is it? What do they weigh?
TIM
The cashews?
JULIE
Yeah. The cashews.
TIM
(shaking his head)
No, I don’t think that’s right. That
can’t be right.
JULIE
What do they weigh?
Tim pushes down on the hanging metal tray and watches the scale move. Julie also watches intently.
JULIE (cont’d)
So what do they weigh now?
TIM
These cashews.
Tim lifts the bag of cashews off the scale and holds them in his hand.
TIM (cont’d)
These cashews weigh–
Tim puts the bag of cashews back onto the weigh scale and watches the scale arm move clockwise.
JULIE
What’s that? What do those cashews
weigh?
TIM
See that? That’s not right.
JULIE
No? What should it be?
TIM
Yeah. This. This. Something’s wrong.
JULIE
What does it say?
TIM
Pardon?
JULIE
How much do the cashews weigh?
TIM
(reading the scale)
They weigh. . .
Tim lifts the bag of cashews off the scale again.
TIM (cont’d)
No, this can’t be right.
JULIE
So should we not get them?
Tim looks at the bag of cashews intently.
TIM
(beat)
No.
JULIE
Okay.
Julie takes the bag of cashews from Tim and steps over to the cashews bulk bin. She opens the lid of the bin and looks inside to find. . . A HUMAN HEAD!
T.B.C.
(To be continued)
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In my humble opinion, you repeat the same shtick too much.
Okay. So I should tighten it up a bit? Like right now the full script is 194 pages. Is that too long for a horror drama?
Way too long. 90-120 pages is industry standard. A sprawling epic (like LOTR) might go over 120, but not even close to 194. Generally, think of 1 page as 1 minute of screen time. But, if you’re shooting yourself it might be different – it’s obviously a shooting script for self use.
No, I’m not going to shoot this myself. Once I’m done my third draft I’m sending it off to the major horror studios. You can mail screenplays to production companies as long as you mail a copy to yourself for copyright purposes. But you can never open the envelope.
I just have to whittle it down a bit. I still think in the end it will be a solid 165 minutes.
In that case, it’s a classic novice mistake to number scenes. They’re only numbered in shooting scripts. 165 is still way too long. As for the rest, you “can” send a script, but you “can” also recieve it back unopened. There’s also copyright and the WGA, btw.
Also, yeah, I got tired of the “joke.” It became annoying, to me.